The Days of Youth
by Womenreligiousfan
Summary: What was Diana Reid's life like before Spencer was born? First story in my, This is Not Your Grandma's Treatment Team Series. Spencer is born in last chapter,accurate portrayal of schizophrenia, anxiety and PTSD.
1. Chapter 1

It was a beautiful day in the small town of Norton Ohio in May of 1965 when young Diana Mccoy awoke. She groaned looking at the clock. Why did the graduation Mass have to be at 8 in the morning? She had stayed up too long reading Thomas Merton again. Her aunt had picked up his book on the Eucharist at the Catholic college where she was a literature professor,although most of her family thought it was more important that she was a Sister.

"Diana,have you seen my veil?" Asked her older sister Anne.

"Why don't you just burn it?" She was not a fan of that tradition and could not wait until she didn't have to be under her Mother's watchful eye, while attending Mass with college students.

"You better not let Mom hear that. She's still pretty shaken up about all the recent changes in the Mass. She's told me she doesn't think the second Vatican council is valid. She's been reading some stuff from a friend who joined this group in Wisconsin that's saying some very interesting stuff."

"Oh dear, heaven help us."

"Hurry, you know how early mom wants to get there."

"Were you up late too?"

"Yup,I have a paper due Monday. You were reading Thomas Merton again?"

"Yup."

Anne quickly grabbed a Kleenex and Bobby pin, a common practice among many of her peers whose parents wanted them to veil, when they didn't have a veil.

Diana felt comfort at church. She often went there when she needed peace and comfort, but Mass was extremely special for her. She adored the prayers and especially liked them now that she was saying them in English. At the passing of the peace, she noticed a handsome young man sitting with her friend,Liz's family.

This morning she was dreading mingling after Mass, having everyone ask her where she would be going to school and what she'd be studying, but now she was interested in this young man. After Mass,she got her chance to meet him.

"Hi, Diana. This is my cousin William Reid" said Liz.

"Call me Will, everyone else does." He stretched out his hand.

"Hello ,Will. Nice to meet you. Are you from around here?"

"Sandusky. But I'll be closer this fall, I'm going to Kent State."

"Really, me too. What will you be studying?"

"Political Science, I'm thinking of being a lobbyist or practicing law."

"Oh how interesting, l like politics too."

"I'm sure you wouldn't approve of a girl who likes politics would you?" Diana's mother had just saw her daughter talking to a young man and he looked very respectable too. He looked like the kind of man she wanted Diana to marry.

"Oh, I don't know. As long as we aren't both campaigning against each other." He winked.

"Well Diana will be studying literature and music." Her mother declared.

"Yes,I will." She resisted the urge to glare at her mother.

"We had hoped she'd be going to Stubenville,a good Catholic school."

"Rita, I am very happy that she's chosen to go to Kent State, just like her father. Now I want to go home and have those delicious Strawberry Waffles honey." Diana's father never liked the rivalry he had with his wife's school,but he sure loved her cooking.

"Oh of course, dear." Rita put on a smile that looked fake.

As soon as no parents were looking Will mouthed "June Cleaver's evil twin?"

Diana and her friend quick put their hands to their mouths to stop the urge to giggle. I really like this guy, thought Diana.


	2. Chapter 2

Diana walked out of the record shop with her new treasure, the last copy of Country Joe and the Fish's latest album. She couldn't wait untill study breaks turned into jam sessions with the Feel Like I'm Fixin to Die Rag. Fortunately her roommate shared her beliefs. The young lady across the hall they had nicknamed Mrs. MCarthy due to her hatred of any belief to the left of hers who she liked to label a Communist. It was just her luck that she ran into her coming into the dorm.

"Hello Diana."

"Hello, Sue."

"What do you have there?"

"A new album."

" It must be a Commie album."

"Well it doesn't have the song Praise the Lord, Pass the Ammunition on it. What are you up to today?"

" A fundraiser for the John Birch Society, you?"

"Well I have this paper to work on, because somebody thought they needed to mandate a Freshman English class,English majors in a class on non majors that have to be there is not my cup of tea. Our Professor is having us study Greek Mythology, so dreadfully boring and depressing. Then I'm going to dinner with some friends at a Catholic Worker house in Youngstown and a book study."

"Such a radical Diana, you and practically this whole campus it seems. I should have gone to Stubenville, but then I wouldn't have met Norman."

"Well, I'll see you later,Sue."

Diana slammed her room door shut.

"God, I swear that girl thinks she's as perfect as Mother Mary and that anyone to the left of her is horrible. She's too much like Mom."

"Sue Smith?" Asked her roommate Veronica.

"Yup,how's the paper coming?"

"I was going to have you proofread,oh my gosh, is that Country Joe and the Fish's latest album?"

"Yup, just let me finish my paper" Diana was typing very fast, this prompt was easy and she found the more she disliked a work, the less time she wanted to spend on it.

The phone soon rang.

"Hello", answered Veronica.

"Diana, it's Will."

"Hi Will, no not tonight. I'm going to Youngstown. That does sound wonderful though. I'll come next ."

"What's up?"

"He and some students from the Neumann Center were going have a philosophy debate."

"Oh, that's groovy. I love our friends we are such cool squares, some may call us rebels, but we are prophetic squares with a love of Jesus not drugs."

"I was called f-ing goodie two shoes Catholic by a hippie today when he saw my crucifix. I prefer the term radical social justice Catholic. He doesn't know that there are a number of Catholics who aren't alike as James Joyce says.."

"Catholic means here comes everybody."

"Let's go meet Pat and Mary and begin our our journey to free food and fellowship."

"You are the best roommate ever."

"You too my friend. Time to go be as radical as Jesus was." Diana put on some more hairspray, grabbed her key and rosary and went off to meet her friends.

Diana wished Will could let his hair down a bit. He always seemed to serious and proper at times, but he had a heart of gold. She was grateful that she had her books, music, activism, faith and friends. Things were going well. She was thinking she may stay in school for a long time. She thought it was hip to be square, what a great title for a song she thought.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: What I describe in Necedah is real, so is the name Mary Ann Van Hoof. The sect still exists and if you are bored in a Wisconsin road trip, check it out. Followers not recognized by official church. Joy is like the rain was by a group of sisters in the 60's, The Medical Mission 'll Know We are Christians By Our Love is real too.

Chapter 3

It was now her junior year and Diana was falling in love; in love with the wonderful literature and music she was studying, in love with the spirit of Vatican II, the counterculture of protest and of course, William Reid.

In the basement of the Newman Center Diana and her friends who provided the music for the evening folk Mass were sitting on folding chairs practicing the music they were going to be leading on Saturday night.

"And they'll know we are Christians by our love,by our love, and they'll know we are Christians by our love." They sang with some strumming on guitars and Diana leading them in song. They had taken to calling those who lead the people in the pews as song leaders.

"Oh, wow I need to get back to my dorm before long. Mom calls me once a week at exactly 4:45 on some of you in a few minutes at the Newman dinner." Diana quickly put her guitar in it's case and grabbed her backpack practically running back to her dorm.

Ring, ring

"Hello Mother, I'm fine how are you?"

"I'm doing as well as one can in this frightening world. I really think I must move to Wisconsin, but your father won't hear of it." Her mother proclaimed this with vigor.

"You still believe in the apparition of Our Lady of, what's that town called again?"

"You should know what it's called Diana! Necedah, yes. With all the horror of this Cold War, it makes so much sense."

"Mom, I have the writings of that woman here, that you sent me. You think, that when the end of the world comes this group will be taken to middle earth in a spaceship by a 1200 year old angel named Alex, that thousands of priests are communist spies, that the second Vatican Council is invalid and that the Blessed Mother also is telling this housewife, who by the way has bad spelling and grammar,locations of Russian submarines and that there will be a World War III?"

"Yes, talk to your father for me and your sister convince them of the truth! Leave your secular world. Her name is Mary Ann Van Hoof and Our Lady has spoken through her."

"Mother, you went to college,remember how you are supposed to learn that there are many different viewpoints in the world? I believe the same thing happens with religion. I believe the Second Vatican Council is wonderful and causing us to think, have discussion and get back to our ancient roots. I also believe there are many ways of expressing our faith. I don't do it the same way you do. I'm agreeing to disagree. I have to get ready for a student dinner I'm helping with, so I have to go."

"I pray you see the truth Diana. God bless you."

"God bless you too Mom. Bye."

Diana went off to the Newman Center, hoping serving and cleaning up a meal with friends would keep her mind off things. She also made a mental note to write to Anne, who was in formation to be a Sister in the diocese this group, no cult is what I'll call it, thought Diana, was.

"Hi Diana", said her roommate Veronica carrying some milk down to the basement.

"Hi, how was your day?"

"Pretty good, yours?"

"Let's have one of those late night conversations after studying tonight. I really need it."

"No problem."

When she got downstairs Diana was surprised to see William.

"Hey, you aren't setting foot in the kitchen are you?"

"No, Joe and I thought you ladies would need some help with the folding chairs." Will flexed his muscles.

"Honey, if women can carry a baby for 9 months, lifting a few folding chairs won't hurt" Diana winked.

Will and Joe chuckled not quite sure how to respond. Their friend Joan had just walked into the room.

"Well, the brownies are done."

"Are those normal brownies Joan?" Asked Joe.

"This is a church, not a commune. The only good addicting quality is the amount of chocolate."

"Hi,Father Paul" greeted Diana.

"Hello, Diana. How is the world of music, activism and literature?"

"As wonderful as always Father, they are my favorite things besides Jesus, of course."

"Of course, same here Diana. What's on the menu tonight?"

"Spaghetti, I think. I'm just with the clean up crew."

"Well you are needed too. Knowing you, you could lead the clean up crew in song."

"What a wonderful idea, Father."

After serving those who came to the dinner and cleaning up, Diana took out the garbage, noticing the rain. She came in singing a favorite song.

I see raindrops on my window, joy is like the rain..

"Do you still think you'll need that talk Diana?" Asked Veronica.

"Yes, but I'm grateful my spirits have been lifted for just a bit."

This little bit of bliss made the upcoming vent about her mother a little easier.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Thanksgiving break was coming soon and the year was 1969. With Diana double majoring in English and vocal performance, she was planning on taking 5 years. Some of her friends were using the term super senior, but she thought overachiever was a better word for it. She was packing for home as A Hard Rain's Gonna Fall was playing on her record player. Truth be told, she was not looking forward to coming home that Thanksgiving. She was worried about her mother,who was under the spell of a false seer with crazy conspiracy ideas still. Her sister was convinced the leader of the sect was a mentally ill woman hungry for power. She prayed her mother would remember Jesus's main message of love and mercy.

Her phone rang and she stopped her record and went to pick up the phone.

"This is Diana. Hi Dad."

"Diana, I don't know how to say this but your mother left me…"

"For that group in Wisconsin?"

" Yes, I tried to warn her it wasn't worth it. So did Father Zima. I'm so worried, maybe she will end up like her mother."

"Oh heaven help us. They do say that is hereditary. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever go crazy."

"Oh honey, don't talk like that. We've been invited to my brother's in Akron, I don't want to refuse so.."

"They are so old fashioned Dad. They couldn't accept that you married out of your heritage to a college educated woman. Now they'll say some hurtful things now that she's left. They'll crucify me when I tell them I'm going for my PhD, as soon as I get my undergrad degree and not stay at home being a June Cleaver who worships Joe Mcarthy."

"Diana!"

"Oh you don't think so? William has invited me to go to his aunt and uncle's in Akron on Friday. I'm going and think I'll only go if Anne is coming to the Mcoy's to help keep me sane."

"She is, so when should I pick you up tomorrow?"

" I need Jesus so bad right now. Can you pick me up at 7,so I can go to Mass with you tomorrow?"

"Sure Honey."

"Thanks Dad. I love you."

As soon as she hung up she almost ran to the Neumann Center. She sat in front of the tabernacle,sobbing.

"Jesus, I'm scared. I don't want to lose my mother. I love her despite her flaws, I really do. She is confused and afraid that the church she knows is changing. Help her, she needs you. Be with Grandmother, let her know that you still love her, that she's not evil. There is science behind her illness,give her love, medication and therapy. Please don't let me be like her. I don't ever want to go crazy and if I do, I'm afraid I won't sense your presence. I'm so scared, help."

She sat there crying and praying for an hour.

"Diana, are you alright? I was just about to lock up."

"Father Paul, I'm scared."

"What's wrong Diana?"

"So many things. Father, what do you believe about mental illness?"

Father Paul looked at her a bit surprised.

"What is it, Diana? Why do you ask?"

"It's affecting my family, and I'm afraid it will affect me. My sister says, it's a real problem,she's studying it and is also a religious Sister."

"I agree, I am getting a Master's in Psychology now myself, because I believe the Church needs to talk about mental illness. There are biological, environmental and other reasons. Just a chemical imbalance of the brain. Being mentally ill has nothing to do with a person's God punishing you or the devil possessing you. God made science and gave people the wisdom to provide treatment."

"God will still love me if I end up locked away like my grandmother or have crazy ideas that l think are religious?"

"Diana,why are you asking,Have you been told you have bizarre beliefs?"

"My mother has left for a cult and it frightens me. Do you remember hearing about apparitions in Necedah, a small Wisconsin town?"

"Where the farmwife told people that Mary told them to look at the Sun and she would appear?"

"Yes, the woman still has a group of followers who is saying terrible things about the church. I wonder if she is mentally ill. My mother, just left us for her group. The crazy beliefs they have.. I'm scared of paranoid beliefs,what if I get sick and start something …"

"Oh, Diana. Do you have something with you?"

"The writings of this woman. Read it and if you ever can write to my Mom, tell her how it's not right to be so close minded. She thinks if I don't join this group I am the heretic who will burn, my own mother thinks that of me. She is supposed to love me."

"She does Diana, she's just brainwashed. Would you like to pray a decade of the Rosary for her and that group and it's leader?The likelihood of you becoming a cult leader is very small. It doesn't happen to all those who experience, delusions, if you did, I'm sure your friends would get you help."

Diana got out her Rosary and began to pray. When she was finished, Father John drove her to the apartment she now shared with her original roommate Veronica.

"Diana, I almost called the police, what…?"

"Mother, she's left us. I went to church and had a very calming time with Jesus and Father. Promise me you'll always be there if I need you."

"I promise. Can I help you pack, then do you want some herbal tea?"

"That would be wonderful. Thank You."

That night Diana sleep peacefully knowing she had a support system there for her. She hoped they would be there for her forever.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N I don't own Merle Haggard's song Okie From Muskogee, in doing my research into Vietnam War Era songs, and didn't like the us against them mentality. Because I would have been against the war while not being a druggie. I have a friend who went to a college run by sisters and they did go out to this bar she likes in the 60/70s. I put so much of me in here,because I'm kinda selfish that way, but Margery Kemp is Diana's favorite book, according to Spencer which is why I decided to make her religious, Google the book if interested.

Chapter 5

"Well,here we go again to celebrate this American cultural holiday that can be painful if you disagree with your relatives. Where we are supposed to stuff our faces and not feed the poor, listen to the woman talk about mundane stuff and gossip, while the men sit in the other room discussing the interesting stuff like politics. Do you think they'd hate it if I sat in the corner and read my Hans Kung, Mary Daly and Margery Kemp?" Diana asked her sister as they got ready to leave for their uncle's.

"I feel like your drug dealer Diana, you thrive off that stuff I give you. Are you sure you don't want me to look up some good Catholic grad schools, so you can go be the next Mary Daly?", her sister asked.

"I guess I'm trying to find myself as us young people say today. I like being a liberal and have some views about women that I'm not sure most of the hierarchy agree with. It can be confusing."

"Yes, it can be a lot to handle and sort through, but I think there will always be arguments how to best express Catholicism. No matter what you believe, I will always love you, never disown you like Mom did. Remember that. Just follow your heart."

Their dad knocked on their door.

"Ready ladies?"

"As ready as I'll ever be",said Diana.

As soon as the now Sister Anne walked into her aunt and uncle's modest but cozy home, she felt all eyes on her, well her habit actually.

"The habit it's changed since my sister entered that order. It looks…", Aunt Betty started.

"Very nice and practical, don't you think?" Said the girl's dad.

Diana and Anne smiled at their dad, thinking, "Nice save Dad."

"Diana, has anyone told you you look like Tippi Hedren?" Asked her cousin Mary.

"Well at least the birds aren't going to peck her eyes out" said her cousin Joe as he took a swig of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

"Diana, want to read to me?" Her little ten year old cousin asked.

"Oh, I'd love to Monica."

"Come on, let me show you my room. We have to read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!"

It's just what Diana wanted to do get lost in a good book. Just as they were about to read the fate of Augustus Gloop, Monica asked a question that Diana knew she would be asked today.

"Why did your Mom leave you, does that make her a bad person?"

"Monica, sometimes it is hard for people to make up their minds. Sometimes, people can be so convinced that one way is the way they have to go. Mom believes some things that I and everyone else here think are very silly, but she doesn't, so she went to be with other people who think like she does about the Church."

"You must miss her."

"I do, and every day I pray for her. It's almost time to eat, let's go see if your other cousins are here."

During the dinner conversation it soon turned toward Diana's mother.

"So, you could go see her couldn't you or is it impossible to find her and knock some sense into her?" Asked Diana's uncle Patrick.

" I think that wouldn't be that easy as crazy as we believe these ideas to be,they are real for her. I love my mother dearly,but she is her own person who chose to join this group," said Diana.

" She's right, I love Rita, but I wouldn't drag her out kicking and screaming",said Diana's dad.

"I suppose you are right. You aren't doing anything crazy at college are you, Diana?"

I'm doing some stuff you may disagree with."

"Not protesting are you?"

"I've been to some small gatherings where I've voiced my opinion. There are some Catholics and other Christians who agree with me. I've attended a few meetings, but no protests."

"No drugs or anything, I hope. No burning things."

"No never, but I'm proud to be a Catholic social justice progressive square from Ohio."

"You mocking, Proud to be an Okie from Muskogee?"

"I disagree with how it lumps all protestors together. One can be for burning draft cards and feel free to challenge authority, while seeing themselves as square."

"She sure still is square, I hear she watches Lawrence Welk", declared her aunt Betty.

Diana's face turned beet red. Her male cousins were going to tease her she was sure of it.

"I was thinking of making grasshoppers, anyone want some?" Asked Mary.

"Do you have any Bailey's, instead?" Asked Anne.

"But you are a Sister, Anne…" Declared Aunt Betty.

" Sometimes I will go out to this very classy bar with the other Sisters who are graduate students and professors, the kind where people tend to go, not to get drunk,but to enjoy the atmosphere and each other's company."

"Oh",said her aunt, still not sure what to think of the modernizing changes of Sisters.

"Actually that sounds good. I'll have some if you have it," said Diana's Dad,Walter.

A little while later, the young adult Mcoy's were in the den, while the mothers were in the living room,the men in the basement watching the Cleveland Browns defeat the Detroit Lions, while Monica and her cousin Mary Anne were playing Barbies.

"I'm sorry your Mom left, but I'm also sorry my Dad thinks he knows how to fix everything. He can be a bit of a pest" stated Mary.

"For sure, and I don't care for him treating you like your his daughter. Even if you did do drugs ,what's it to him?"stated Joe.

" I did have a laced brownie, just once, but then I thought why get high when reading, writing, music,prayer and the Eucharist get me happy. And don't tell your Dad, but Jesus wore sandals, had long hair and disagreed with people in authority and he still likes him."

"Groovy, Diana. And I didn't know Sisters drink, that's groovy, Anne" said Joe, laughing at his cousin's remark.

"Well Joe, Jesus did turn water into Wine and he gives himself to us in the appearance of wine, so I don't think he disapproves of an occasional drink." Said Anne.

"You two are fun for a couple of squares"said their cousin Barb, maybe college isn't all that bad she thought.

"Well, I'm glad we can amuse you. This day has been very pleasant and I'd like to thank you young people for keeping me sane" said Diana. The day hadn't turned out to be that bad after all, but she was tempted to pull out her books as soon as the conversation turned to makeup and fashion, but Anne decided to lead them in a game of charades, showing everyone nuns could have fun.


	6. Chapter 6

What if You Knew Her

A/N: For any of you who are reading and may have been affected by what happened at Kent State in 1970, I am not trying to make light of the massacre in any way. That famous picture of the young woman kneeling over the dead student as well as the lyrics from Crosby Stills and Nash song, Ohio really move me, so I decided to incorporate this into my Vietnam War era story, to remember the event. As always, I researched.

"Diana, you should come protest with us, and sing. Your voice is as beautiful as Joan Baez and in choir you sound like Joan Sutherland"said Mary Ann a new friend from Students For a Democratic Society,one of the well known protest orgs that had been popping up on campuses across the country and a fellow member of a choir Diana was in.

"Really, thanks. The Joan Sutherland comment comes from a lot of people back home, with our traditional church music."

"Well speaking of traditional church music,it's May Day, so shall you serenade me with Bring Flowers of the Rarest?"

"Oh Mary, we crown thee with blossoms today… But it looks like you already have one flower, you flower child. I can protest today , but after that I'm spending all my time on exams and then there's my senior recital."

"You and your double major, you'll go crazy if you don't let yourself have some fun."

"Hey, don't say that, my grandma literally is crazy" Diana gave Mary Ann a death stare.

"Oh,I didn't mean.."

"Sorry I snapped. Let's go protest, because, War, what is it good for?"

"Absolutely nothing."

A little later, the protest wrapped up so students could return to class.

"So we still on for the 4th?" Asked the leader in a megaphone.

"All except miss Mary Poppins here." Mary Ann nudged Diana and winked.

"That's what Will thinks, I'm practically perfect in every way. How about we meet after the protest on the 4th and grab some coffee?"

"Sounds good, I'll call you later to finalize our plans. Happy studying."

"Happy protesting. I'll sing the Woodstock version of Feel Like I'm Fixing to Die Rag, during a study break for you all."

"You can swear?"

"Occasionally, yes. I prefer to curse in old English."

" You should write a book on Shakespeareian insults."

"Oh, don't go putting ideas in my head."

"Bye Diana."

"Bye, Mary Ann."

Later that night in her apartment building, Diana heard a knock on her door. She had been invited by acquaintances in the apartment below her to go downtown, they seemed angry and that made Diana wary because she believed in a peaceful protest. Later that night she heard sirens and prayed for the protestors.

The next morning Diana was shocked when she heard on the radio about rumors of radicals with plans of destruction. She couldn't believe it, they were bringing in the National Guard . "Mary, pray for us" she whispered. There was more violence that weekend and more prayers from Diana.

On the 4th, Diana walked out her Chaucer class elated. She loved the class and her professor's passion for her work. She was her academic advisor and she spent many office hours visiting her. On a whim, she decided to check on the protesters. Things had became ugly since the original planned protest and she was scared. She then saw a sight she would never forget.

The protesters were moving toward Taylor Hall and the parking lot of Prentice Hall, her old dorm and the National guard was coming after them. She quickly retreated into Taylor Hall, watching in fear. Some students went back to the Commons area, and soon the Guard had turned to the parking lot and began to shoot. Diana although inside, ducked out of instinct and began to chant 'pray for us" to whoever was listening in heaven until the shooting stopped.. A professor began to reason with students to leave, Diana ran outside and saw Mary Ann lying there, she began to run to her, quickly, dropping to her knees sobbing. She felt a faint pulse and held her friend's hand.

"Mary Ann, I'm here Mary Ann. Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.. Please Mother Mary! Oh please stay with me,please,please." Diana began to hyperventilate. As soon as Mary Ann was being put on a stretcher,Diana was being consoled by an EMT.

"Miss, we need you to let go of her hand. You need to breathe, in,out, come on now, good."

Diana stood there unable to move until she saw her favorite professor, Dr. Williams. She guided her young student away from the crowd. Word soon came that everyone had an hour to vacate the campus.

"Do you live on or off campus?"

"Off, but I need to find out what happened to.."

"Let me take you to your apartment after I pack my things I need .You just saw your friend and many others get hurt. You don't seem well,white as a ghost, come stay with me for a while."

When Dr. Williams dropped off Diana, she couldn't help being motherly. Diana was a favorite student of hers. She had just made some tea when Veronica came to the door hugging Diana tight.

"Thank God you are alright, Diana. I was so worried that you were hurt or…" She couldn't bring herself to say the word that would mean Diana would have been gone forever.

"Mary Ann, Mary Ann we have to go to the hospital to see her. We were going to have coffee, we will have coffee,we must she can't be.."

"Oh, Diana. You knew someone who was hurt, what did you see?"

Dr. Williams stepped forward.

"I'm Diana's academic advisor,Dr. Williams. I made sure she got home and was safe. I may be an English professor, but I know trauma when I see it. I lived in England in WWII and experienced that trauma when a bomb hit my neighborhood. I know how it feels to see your friend lying there. If it weren't for me, I fear Diana may not be home."

"Thank you so much. Diana, have a seat. I'm sure the hospital is very busy right now. I want you to take deep breaths. You are having a panic attack. This is perfectly normal."

"My rosary, I need my rosary. Good God, my heart is pounding and my head."

"I'll get it. It's ok Diana. I'm sure Dr. Williams will stay with you."

"Have some tea, shall I read to you? The panic will subside."

"Please, read what we discussed in the lecture today."

Diana handed her the text from her messenger bag.

"Certainly, now no analyzing the text, Just enjoy the beauty of the words."

As her professor began to read the words she was at peace. Just then Veronica handed Diana the rosary and answered the phone.

"She's quite upset William, a friend of hers was badly injured. She needs to rest. I'm going to wait until the names of the injured and dead are released to the public,I'm not taking her to the favorite professor is reading Chaucer to her now. She brought her home and is very empathetic, such a blessing. Should I put her on for you."

"It's William, Diana." Diana grabbed the phone and began sob.

"Honey, are you ok?"

After hearing he was ok, Diana cried"Thank God,Thank God."

After sobbing into the phone a few minutes,Diana went to bed. Veronica was concerned and was so glad that she was getting a degree in Psychology. It really made her feel helpful.

"You take good care of Diana. I was talking to my colleagues and we've decided to hold classes off campus until campus is open again. If you have interest in trying to finish the semester, contact your professors at their home numbers. I hope they can still have commencement. Diana is anxiously awaiting responses from graduate programs, I think study will help her in her grief."

"Thanks for everything. What did she see?"

"I was behind her as she left the building. I think she saw her friend fall. She knelt beside her holding her hand,praying and pleading that her friend wouldn't die. Between you and me, I'm not sure she'll make it. Please suggest counseling ,if grief and trauma get too bad."

"I will, I know plenty of grad students doing their internships now in Kent."

"Good."

As she left Veronica thanked God everything was alright. With all the anger, she decided she would help organize a prayer vigil. After seeing that Diana sleeping peacefully, she began to pray for peace.


	7. Chapter 7

Could be trigger inducing

Chapter 7 We've Got To Get Out of This Place.

Diana awoke to find Veronica's hand on her shoulder.

"Diana, the town is closing to incoming traffic and they want the students to leave."

"What, who is they? We have to see Mary Ann! I want Will!"

"The National Guard just came down our street. I think we should leave town as soon as possible."

"What about commencement, our classes, my dying friend. Oh God, Oh God..Will, you came!"She saw her boyfriend standing in the doorway.

"I can take you home, and will stay with my aunt and uncle in Akron until this all dies down."

"Can I stay there too, they are the black sheep of your family, the flaming liberals.I can't tell Dad I knew a protester or agreed with them. It will be terrible. He hates protesters."

"Perhaps."

"Ok, everyone let's think what can't we do without for a while and Diana I don't think you should go to the hospital. It's probably a zoo, plus you need to relax."

"Must take my Bob Dylan, Simon and Garfunkel,Pete Seeger, Canterbury Tales, Margery Kempe and my Bible…"

"God, my trunk's not going to fit all that" William hated whenever Diana's anxiety flared up.

"Basics, Diana. I know this can't be easy for someone with high anxiety, but can you break things down to the basics?"

"This is a freaking episode of the Twilight Zone. Pretty soon I'm going to hear Rod Sterling's voice narrating what that massacre has to teach us about humanity. Damm the establishment, government and everything that is wrong with society." Tears began streaming down Diana's face.

"Let me help you pick out some outfits."

"I'm packing all black" Diana declared.

Veronica gave William a look that said, don't say anything.

In a few minutes, they were packed. The trunk held Diana's bible, one Bob Dylan Album ,one Pete Seeger album, Margery Kempe's book and the portable record player. Not much was said on that drive to Akron. Any chance they had of trying to use humor or revert to small talk to diffuse the tension of the day's events resulted in Diana snapping. Veronica lived in Akron as well and suggested Diana stay with her family. They were against the war and Diana knew that she would find comfort and not condemnation for her views, maybe Mrs. Murphy would let her have her copy of the Feminine Mystique and discuss how they disagreed with Humanae Vitae. There had to be a silver lining in this tragedy.

When they pulled in the driveway, Veronica sighed. Her younger brother was blaring Surfin' Bird, it was going to be a long night, both young ladies hated that song.

Veronica ran into her Mother's arms and Diana was a bit jealous, that her mother was with a breakaway sect.

"Of course, Diana can stay with us, right Eddie?"

"Right,Maude. If I were you though Diana, I'd give your parents a call."

"If my Mother knew I was friends with a protester and shared her views, she'd think I was a terrible communist ready to take over the world. I hope that cult she's in is to busy preparing for the end of the world to notice what happened. I'll call Dad, but will get get a lecture about how protesting is unladylike. I just want to process all this."

"You should call your sister, maybe she'll stage a kneel in and invite the Berrigan brothers" suggested Veronica.

"Oh I don't think she'd go that far, but yes,I must call her. She's the only one who understand me in my family."

Diana called her Sister who was thankful Diana was alright. She told her the whole order would be told of what had happened and would pray for her. She called her Dad and told her what had happened, without many of the details.

"Diana, I am your father and there is nothing wrong with staying with me for a while. If you chose to stay with your hot head friends that's your choice, but if you ever come to your senses, it will make your father proud."

Those words weren't the most encouraging she had ever heard, thank God for her sister and friends, she thought.

"Hi sis, I heard it's crazy at Kent now. Who is the friend?" Veronica's younger brother emerged from his room.

"Joe, this is my roommate of many years, Diana."

"Hi, you ok? You don't look so good."

" My friend could be dead, because of the massacre and my Father hates the fact that I don't share his political views. He doesn't really respect my feelings right now."

"Well, my Dad is a progressive who works with feelings for a living,so you are in good hands here."

She had forgot that Veronica's dad was a psychiatrist. Could she maybe open up to him, she thought?

"Oh Diana, I didn't know your friend was hurt. I'm so sorry. Are you hungry? Dinner should be ready soon" said Veronica's Mother, Maude.

"Thank you. You all are so kind."

Diana went to unpack in the guest room and washed up, then knelt in prayer,praying the famous prayer for peace, of St then ended the prayer with the Dylan lyrics, If God's on our side, he'll stop the next war. Dinner was had in almost complete silence, as Diana couldn't speak much, due to grief. When they watched the evening news, there was not a dry eye in the room. When the names of the dead were read Diana heard the name of her friend and let out a scream and ran to the bathroom clutching her stomach,Veronica was right behind her and stood by the door hearing her friend scream after emptying the contents of her stomach. It sounded as if she was reliving the day's tragedy. Eddie heard and came rushing to the door.

"Dad it's like she's there again. I read about this in a class, but I need your help."

He opened the door thankful it wasn't locked and tried to bring Diana back.

"Diana, it's Veronica's Dad here. You are having a flashback. You are not at Kent State.I want you to be aware of your surroundings. You need to breath. Take a deep breath in, see your stomach rising, and out,and see your stomach you feel that?"

Diana nodded and placed her hand on her stomach as she slowly inhaled and exhaled."A flashback, I'm having a flashback, not there, but so real, not there?Mr. Murphy?" It was difficult to ground herself in the present, but she slowly came to the present and convinced herself of her present location when the flashback was so real.

"Yes. What can you, touch, hear, taste, see, smell. I want you to know where you are be in the here and now. What happened at Kent State was earlier, in the past."

"In the past not now. Use my senses..wet , something wet,I'm crying. Music, dreadful music,Taste, eww my mouth, what a pretty towel,I'm in a bathroom. smell,oh dessert I can't eat.. Why the hell am I sitting here just realizing where the heck I am? Have I gone crazy Grandma has schizophrenia,I'm not crazy.. No, no."

"May I help you up Diana?" Asked Mr. Murphy.

"Please,I'm weak. I want to lie down."

"I'll help you Diana."

"I'm at your house."

"That's right Diana."

"I'm sorry, so sorry and tired. I'm not crazy."

"No, this happens when people experience trauma sometimes. It is not schizophrenia. I'm doing research on it 's called traumatic , tell your brother to turn off that Ina Gadda whatever that's called" said Mr Murphy, knowing that the music was anything but soothing.

" With pleasure, I hate that song. Diana would you like me to come to you after that?"

"Please, you always know how to help when I need it."

After Diana had got ready for bed, Veronica's mother knocked on the door.

" May I come in?"

"Don't pity your daughter's friend."

"I'm not, Diana. Would you like some hot chocolate?"

"Thank you."

"Remember you have nothing to be ashamed of. I know Veronica really admires your passion for the thirst of knowledge and your faith and activism. She is just as passionate about helping others, that's why she wants to follow in her father's footsteps, because she cares about others. I wish your own Mother could be here for you,but see that figurine of Mary. She's praying for you I'm sure of it and she is your Mother too."

Veronica walked in the door and sat at the edge of Diana's bed.

"Let's sing our song Diana,ok?"

"Yes, please."

They began to sing the lyrics written about John Lennon's mother with another Mary in mind.

When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be.


	8. Chapter 8

Veronica turned on her light and ran to the guest room. Poor Diana sounded like she was having a nightmare. Her parents were already there. Her Dad was telling Diana to wake up. When she did, the first thing she did was to call for her friend.

"Veronica?"

"I'm here Diana."

"Was that a nightmare?"

"Yes, my father woke you. He and Mom are here and we all want to help you, not judge you."

"Oh God, I was so scared,so scared. Help, I need help but I have no money. Can't be like Grandma, just can't."

"Remember what I said traumatic stress and schizophrenia are different. I pray you don't develop the later, but it's the trauma that is what you need help with now. I know someone who does mental health treatment for those who are low income and specializes in this. I will not let money be an issue for you" said Veronica's dad.

"What time is it?" Diana was still very panicked.

"5, do you want to get some more sleep?"

" I have to find out when Mary Ann's funeral is."

"Diana, remember what calmed you before when you were anxious?" Asked Veronica.

"Herbal Tea and prayer, Margery Kempe, Chaucer and music and being with you, my friend."

"Yes, mom has some tea."

"Where is my rosary?"

Veronica handed it to her and they prayed a decade after doing some deep breathing exercises.

"I can't tell Dad. He'll want me sent away if I don't get better."

"Oh, Diana. You know how many people who come home from war with this, they aren't institutionalized. I promise you, I'll never approve of that unless you develop something else, but even then, it would be a last resort because I'm a firm believer in community inclusion and deinstitutionalization. My parents and I are going to see you through this."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

A few hours later an appointment was made with a psychologist and Diana could not get her mind off her friend's death but did not open up. She arranged for lecture notes to be mailed from some of her professors and her favorite professor came out to Akron to give her lecture notes over coffee. She had to go on and felt she needed nothing to get in her way.

The day of her first counseling appointment Diana was very nervous. Veronica reminded her that her father's friend was a woman. How wonderfully modern and comforting she thought.

When Diana first saw the psychologist she felt a glimmer of hope.

"Hello Diana, what brings you here today?"

I'm afraid Dr. Wilson. I was at Kent State yesterday and it was terrible, my friend died and I had a flashback and a nightmare and Dr. Murphy said it was traumatic stress and my grandma has schizophrenia and I don't want that too,I don't want to go crazy, so…

"Diana let's break this down, start with your family history and work your way up to yesterday."

"Ok well I never knew my grandmother, she was always talked about in hushed tones, Mother was very ashamed…"

About an hour later Dr. Wilson recapped the session.

"You've been through alot in your life Diana, worry about developing your grandmother's illness, your mother leaving and then yesterday. It's a lot for one to take. It appears that what you are experiencing is symptoms of Post Traumatic stress disorder. The sooner you get help the better the prognosis is, so I'm glad you came so soon. You can talk about the most recent trauma whenever you are ready. If you are worried about schizophrenia, I'll give you some information on that and advise you not to obsess over it and let a professional diagnose it. Right now, I see no indication of it. Would you like to set up another appointment?"

"Please. I can't develop a mental illness, I just can't."

"Diana you have anxiety, you just faced some trauma. You need to heal. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You are very lucky to be staying with Dr. Murphy and his family. I trust them and know they will help you and accept you."

Diana left feeling relieved and ready to tackle the challenge that lay before her. She also prayed that she would never have her grandmother's illness, she hoped Veronica would be there for her and never lock her away.

Before bed Veronica reminded her that whatever happened to her, she'd be with her. Diana felt some comfort that night as she asked the patron saint of mental illness for prayers. She knew she needed to be as strong as she possibly could be.


	9. Chapter 9

"Veronica, where did I put my notes for tonight?"

Diana was panicking as she prepared to present her dissertation. She had the same roommate she had as an undergraduate. It was 5 years after earning her undergraduate degree and everyone was surprised at how she had gone through her coursework,research and completed her dissertation,without even taking summers off. But Diana seemed not to be feeling herself lately and it worried her now fiancé and her roommate who was almost finished with with her PhD in psychology.

"On the coffee table."

"William wants to move to Vegas, what can an academic do in Vegas?!"

"You have job interviews lined up, come on,let's go take my car to the ugliest building on earth."

" I hate the humanities building. It's worse than the church." Diana and Veronica were attending graduate school at the University of Wisconsin Madison, where William had also recently graduated from law school.

"Well tonight is your night to shine my friend. Let's go."

That night it felt almost painful to get through her presentation, but she tried her best. Life was difficult the next few months for her, but she told anyone who asked that it was stress. She kept on wondering if it was something else, but kept on telling herself she was just fine.

The day of commencement, walking in her fancy doctoral gown, was the happiest day of her life. She thought she looked like she came straight out of her area of study, the Middle Ages. Those gowns were pompous as could be. As she began to sing Varsity, what she thought was the most beautiful song for alumni ever, she noticed that her school color was more red than she had ever seen and the singing more beautiful than ever before. It felt surreal.

By September she was married to William and had a job as a professor at the University of Nevada Las Vegas, thankful they had an opening. The months went by and things began to feel stranger and stranger. It was harder to lecture and research and a feeling of paranoia began to increase and whispers in her head turned louder. Self care diminished. William was afraid of what was happening and so was Veronica who had accepted a position at a newly formed community college nearby so she could be near her best friend and help her. She moved next door to Diana and William. Diana's sister had also been consulted. William was glad he could prepare a team for what he feared was the inevitable.

One morning came when it was clear intervention was needed. It was the day of the last final of the semester, she lay in bed, not wanting to leave.

"Diana, don't you have a final to administer?"

"William, I can't. The National Guard is watching me. I've been afraid to say anything, but I can sense it and just know it. I hear a voice telling me "Beware the soldiers and Nixon are coming for you. They know you didn't like the war and the government."

"Oh, Diana. You aren't well."

"Shh,they'll hear you."

"Diana, don't go anywhere." William who ran to the phone.

"Veronica, I think our worst fears have been confirmed. She's having a delusion and refusing to get out of bed. Oh, we need your help. Yes, I'll call her sister. She's on sabbatical now and will hopefully come."

When Veronica came it broke her heart to see her closest friend afraid and hiding under the covers."

"Diana,it's Veronica. I'm here to help you."

" Help me, I'm scared."

"I will, do you want to go see a doctor?"

"Why?"

"He could help Diana. As much as you feel this is real for you, I don't think you are in danger. I think your mind is playing tricks on you."

"Can we go see Dr Spock? I'll believe him. He was against the war."

"I know someone at the closest hospital who is against the war." Veronica did know someone who was and thought it would bring Diana comfort.

" Then we can make an appointment, unless you feel you feel you want to hurt yourself honey, I can't let you do that,then we'll go to the ER tonight" William declared.

"Don't either of you leave this room tonight. I need protection."

" We won't, sweetheart." William kissed his wife's forehead and went to talk to Veronica.

"William, one thing to remember is never to argue with someone who is delusional. It's so real to them, that you should just respectfully disagree. This does present itself like a classic case of Schizophrenia, but we need an actual diagnosis. The doctor I work with has a history of working with severe mental illnesses and is also aware of illnesses with similar symptoms. If I need to I will take a semester off."

"God bless you, so we need to rule other things out first?"

"Yes and keep Diana safe."

"I have court tomorrow, could you help? It's one thing seeing this as a lawyer,but I'm so afraid to face it at home."

"I understand. Let's call Anne first thing in the morning. 2 psychology majors will be better than one, plus I know that Diana and she share such a similar expression of their faith. Let's pray tonight asking all those in heaven who have been through a similar situation for help."

"Yes, let's do that."

They slept as well as they could that night, unsure of the future.


	10. Chapter 10

The next morning Diana wondered what kind of help she'd receive. She was sure the voices were really talking to her. Veronica said something about her mind playing tricks on her or perhaps she had a tumor. One thing was for sure, she remembered the days she didn't hear voices and liked them better. William held his wife close that morning, trying to sooth her as best he could.

"I love you very much Diana, but I have to go to work. I'll see you tonight."

"No,no, no, tin soldiers and Nixon coming, coming, coming for me,me." Diana prattled.

"I don't think they are, I think Veronica will keep you safe and the doctor will help you."

Just then the doorbell rang.

"Oh Anne, thank God. You have the veil on today. Back in the habit?" William asked.

"I think it will bring Diana comfort, although I don't wear it much anymore."

"Come right this way."

"Anne, Anne I'm scared. I think I'm in danger. Is something wrong with me? Are the voices real?"

"I don't think so, but I understand you do. You want help don't you?"

" I want someone keep me safe, not hurt me."

"I won't let anyone hurt you,I promise. It will be safe to tell the doctor anything you want."

" Don't tell Dad, please."

"Right now we are going to get you to the hospital" Veronica said.

The first doctor they had an appointment with was a psychiatrist. He began to question Diana about her symptoms and history.

"Oh, Diana that night you gave your dissertation, you thought someone was taking thoughts out of your head, when you couldn't remember right away?" Veronica felt like an idiot, waiting months later to intervene.

"Stress, just stress I thought. Before the voices started. Am I going to die? Don't let them kill me."

"Doctor Reid, given your family history, with your maternal grandmother and what you have described, it appears you have schizophrenia.." Began the psychiatrist, Dr. Brown.

"No,No, No,not crazy,no, no. Don't send me away Anne,Veronica,Grandma Como pray for me."

" However, I want to make sure you have an MRI to check for a tumor."

"You don't know if I'm crazy or not. You don't believe the National Guard and Nixon are after me?"

"No, I don't "

"So tired, so confused."

"I understand."

" Diana let me schedule an appointment with the neurologist today" said Veronica.

The 24 hours waiting for the results were the most nerve racking of everyone's would tell the voices that they were just a tumor and she'd be well soon. In her delusion, she thought that someone had somehow implanted voices in her head and they could be taken out. The day the diagnosis was finalized Diana was terrified. She sobbed uncontrollably in the psychiatrist's office. She didn't believe it. She didn't know if she could trust anyone anyone anymore.

"Sweetheart, you need to get help. I will be here for you. I promise."

"William, don't leave me. They must be with the government, he's… Stop, stop taunting me!" She yelled the last sentence to the laughter she heard.

"Please, don't be afraid Diana. Your friend will help you. Jesus will too." Anne had prayed for years that this day would never come and that if it did, it would go as smoothly as possible

"Can I go pray?"

" Good idea, Diana. Let's go find the chapel. Veronica, is their a priest on staff?" It was amazing how a mind bordering on a full psychotic break could remember her faith thought Anne.

"Yes, he should be locking up the sacristy now."

Diana ran to the priest asking about evil and the devil, sobbing and screaming at a voice who was telling her crazy people were evil, of the devil.

"God loves you and wants to help. Did you know that Mary Magdalene was probably suffering from mental illness,but they didn't understand it in those days?" The priest explained. He had just come from the in his opinion, misnamed hospital Bennington Sanitarium and was very used to these conversations there.

"Jesus still loved her and helped her and wants to help you too Diana." Anne smiled .

"The good Sister here is right."

"My sister."

"Thank you Fr. Should we pray now Diana?"

After a few minutes in prayer, Diana said "Jesus wants me to get help." Everyone's jaw dropped and we're thankful when Diana admitted herself to the hospital's psychiatric wing.


	11. Chapter 11

After a month of hospitalization, Diana thought she felt better, what that really meant she didn't remember. She just knew that the voices now only occasionally whispered to her. Although she didn't like the current president, she no longer believed she was being persecuted by the former president and the National Guard were after her. Through the time of finding the right medication dosage, she had now been on one for a week that had quieted the voices and reduced their frequency. Since Diana had not received tenure and her inability to work had been noticed by her colleagues, they had asked her to resign. She had graciously accepted, since it was hard to get out of bed most mornings. Veronica and Anne spent a lot of time researching for a self help type of book for caregivers/ family of those with the diagnosis of schizophrenia. With the age of deinstitutionalization upon them many families had no clue how to best help or even interact with their severely mentally ill relatives. With it hitting so close to home,it being their academic area of specialty, it seemed the right thing to do.

It had been most challenging for William who was defending with his older law partner, a young teenager with a borderline IQ who had supposedly helped his uncle murder a young woman. It had gained national attention and after a long day in court, he was exhausted, thankful that Veronica and Anne were helping as much as they were.

The day Diana was released from the hospital Anne and Veronica had a lot of information to share with William and Diana about how to best help them. Thankful there was one recent book on helping families deal with life after hospitalization written that they could give with the manual they had written.

William didn't know if he'd have time to learn all he needed to do and be a lawyer. Helping people in court seemed so much easier than at home. He had a feeling Veronica would be of more help,but he prayed that he could remain calm cool and collected throughout their married life together.

"William, it is so important that you and Diana learn how to best deal with everything. I know I'm the best friend, the next door neighbor, but you are there for her in more ways than I can be. She needs the love and support of the man she first fell in love with" Veronica stated,the evening Diana had come home from the hospital. She had gone to bed and Veronica, William and Anne were conversing over drinks.

"I understand,I'm so afraid she won't be helped enough by me or won't let me help her, then I'll feel useless, like I can't do any good."

"We will cross that bridge when and if we come to it. But please don't ever feel that you are not needed. Veronica is right. After talking with the head of my order and much prayer, I have decided to take a position with a Franciscan college in LA, so I can be closer,when you need me. But you are the most important person and closest to Diana. I think you should be as active in her care as possible" Said Anne.

"Thank you so much ladies. I think I shall go see my beautiful wife now."

That night William began to feel like he could be of help and it made him very determined to do and learn all he could for Diana.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

It had been 6 months since Diana had been hospitalized and she no longer heard voices at all and her delusional thinking had decreased. However, she and William were both exhausted. Diana was because although the antipsychotics took away the scariest parts of her illness, she still was extremely tired,had trouble expressing her emotions and had difficulty socially. William was exhausted because after a long day of work, he helped Diana practice social skills and daily living skills while trying be there as a best friend and lover as well. He felt like an older brother and parent as he tried to find out how much she could do independently without too much stress. Everyday work was difficult, but they made it work out. Veronica only lectured part time and had cut back on her research to spend more time with the Reids. She found a support group for Diana and one for William. They also found a wonderful parish with a very empathetic priest who also wanted to end the stigma associated with mental illness,since his sister had schizophrenia.

It was a Saturday afternoon and the Carpenters were playing on the record player and Diana and William were singing after doing some cleaning. Diana knew that she had reached her limit for the day and needed to de stress before going to Mass in the evening. She loved the parish and especially Fr. John very much. When she revealed her diagnosis to him, he visited her in the hospital and began to connect her to parishioners who were empathetic with her struggles, one being a psychiatric nurse, Barb. Diana liked how in the last few years, the laity were encouraged to participate in the Mass more. Her friend Barb frequently distributed the Eucharist at Mass and receiving Jesus from her seemed very special. With Diana liking her sleep in the mornings she also liked the option of Saturday night Mass. After receiving Jesus in the Eucharist, Diana prayed, but then couldn't stop thinking about what she was going to ask Fr. John after Mass.

As usual, Fr. John greeted everyone after Mass.

"Hello, Diana. How are you today?"

"As good as I usually feel after Mass, Father. I would like to invite you to dinner some time." It all tumbled out rather quickly, Diana had not had anyone over since the hospitalization.

"I would love to Diana."

"Next Sunday at 6:00?"

"That will be wonderful."

"William and I will make something wonderful,then."

"Looking forward to it Diana."

" Evening, Father John."

"Good evening William, Have fun in the kitchen."

Will do, Thanks Father."

In the car Diana asked, " I didn't seem too foolish, did I?"

"No honey, you were ok, besides I'm sure he understands your anxiety."

"Life was more fun before my brain decided to short circuit."

" You've come a long way honey, I'm very proud of you. If you stick to your treatment and pace yourself you'll do fine."

"I love you,but I'm tired, can we go get burgers and ice cream?"

"Sounds good, honey. I'll make some decaf coffee too. Want to watch Green Acres reruns tonight?"

"Those always make me laugh. She's such a sweet ditz, but , he still loves her. Just like you love me.

"You my dear are no ditz."

"Did you know Eva Gabor went to Mass every day before filming?"

"Now I do. Let's go relax, it's been a long day for the both of us."

After watching an episode, Diana ever the professor needed to analyze.

"That was horrible,Lisa acted like she was hallucinating and convinced Oliver he was too, just so they had an excuse to go to a party of a psychiatrist friend in New York."

"That's what I like about Norman Lear sitcoms, they aren't afraid to touch on the issues that are stigmatized and I feel like I've married Maude sometimes."

"I feel like I've married Arthur sometimes,but like him, despite the political differences, you care. Well all this use of my brain is making me tired. Let's go to bed."

That day they had felt better than they had in months, knowing they were on the way to recovery (at least for now). No planning for a relapse, cooking lessons or practicing social skills, just a time to relax.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"Oh no, the whispers are back Will!" Diana almost dropped the knife she was using to cut the vegetables for the now weekly dinner with Fr. John and his sister,Joan. They had been doing this for years,it was 1980 and they all were close friends now.

"How's that making you feel?"

"Very upset, but I'm not going to listen to them. I'm going to put on some Carole King and sing loud."

"Great coping strategies,honey."

After putting the album on Diana said,"Will,I think I'm pregnant."

"Oh you do, really?"

They had decided to have a child, but the medication Diana was on made it harder to get pregnant and he didn't know if he was ready to deal with it yet. They had a plan in place, for who would help Diana out with everything,but still the possibility was a lot for him to grasp, especially that she'd probably be advised to go off her medication for a while.

"Can you watch the sauce while I go check?"

"Diana, let's set up a doctor's appointment too. When did you buy a pregnancy test? oh never mind, let's make a compromise."

"Are you upset?"

"Surprised, let's wait until everyone has left and then do the pregnancy test."

"Why?"

"I want to be there when you test. We also need to watch the sauce." William never thought he'd be so grateful for Alfredo sauce.

"You don't want Father to know?"

"Not yet sweetheart." He kissed Diana wishing there would be a day when the negative symptoms, ones that took away the expression of emotions and produced apathy and depression would go away. He hated staring into those vacant eyes and longed for a warm smile. It was also difficult to have a spouse who also had trouble communicating, difficulty understandanding emotions and had a difficult thought process.

The evening was very pleasant. Diana, William, Fr. John and Joan had many things in common and enjoyed each other's company very much.

"So what I really wish I could be doing is testifying at that hearing on the mental health bill with our First Lady tomorrow" said Joan.

"You'd actually want to talk to the government?" Diana almost whispered.

"Yes,it's not that bad now. I used to think Nixon was after me."

"Me too! It was horrible, but your brother helped me."

"Ladies, I hate to break up your little support group but who wants dessert?" Will asked.

"It's mint chocolate chip ice cream,Oreo,fudge and lots of butter in the Oreo crust,my favorite dessert ever" declared Diana.

"Sounds wonderful" Said Fr. John.

"Did I do alright as lector last night, Father?"

"Oh, just fine Diana."

" I can't do that too much you understand same with cantoring. I like it, but all the extra concentrating makes me tired."

"I totally understand, Diana."

"At my parish, I talk to the children about being sick and how they should end the stigma around mental illness,that even our First Lady doesn't want people to be cruel by calling people crazy. But I can only do one talk a week,otherwise it's too stressful" said Joan.

"That's wonderful Joan, is that something you'd like to do Diana?" Asked William.

"Maybe if I ever have a kid. Mom had so much stigma and I don't think I liked that, but I still wouldn't want to tell a bunch of little kids I hear voices. They'd hate me."

"I don't think so Diana, some kids who are a bit different seemed in awe that I was able to talk about something scary like that, without being scared of the bullies in the world."

"You are brave, I was so scared to tell Dad and he doesn't know what to do with me."

"Give him your friend and sister's book."

"I did, I still think he thinks I will turn into Ed Gein or Jeffrey Dahmer."

"He's an ignorant old man then."

" What a delicious meal and dessert,are you getting tired Joan?" Fr. John asked his sister.

"Yes actually, back to Dr. Hartley's I go."

"Your brother must have patients think he's Bob Newhart" said William.

" He looks like him too."

"Is he funny too?" Asked Diana.

"Not as funny as Bob himself. He's going to let me co lead a support group for people with Schizophrenia."

"Wow" Diana didn't know what to think. She really admired her role model, but she was tired and no other words were coming to her.

After everyone had said goodbye Diana said "Let's go see if I'm pregnant."

"Alright Diana, but are you up to helping me dry dishes after?"

"Let them drip dry."

"Fair enough."

Once William was sure Diana understood how to administer the test,he stood outside the bathroom door that was open just a crack.

"It's positive!"

"Really, Diana we should make an appointment to confirm."

Oh William Reid ever the argumentative lawyer. Don't you love me? Are you mad?"

Yes I love you and no honey,I want to double check with the doctor and see what he says about medications too." He held Diana close.

"I don't have to listen to the voices. I won't even if they are loud."

"We will get through this, Diana." William knew they would.


	14. Chapter 14

For Unto Us a Child is Born

Diana's pregnancy had not been easy. Her then unnamed baby was due yesterday,she had been off her antipsychotics since the beginning of the second trimester. Fr. John was visiting and had just given Diana the Eucharist. Soon after receiving Jesus, Diana began to feel back pain.

"Father,my back ,the voices are telling me I'm going to die. William!"

" Honey, I'm home. Fr. John is everything,ok?" William had just walked in the door.

"I think she's about to go into labor."

Just then Diana's sister walked in the door. She had just drove in from Los Angeles where she was teaching at a Catholic college and was a psychiatrist at a low income clinic run by the diocese. She ran to Diana's side.

"Diana, I heard screaming. You need to relax. Breath,remember the prayer of one of you favorite mystics that's helped you before.

Let nothing disturb you,

Let nothing frighten you,

All things are passing;

God only is changeless.

Patience gains all things.

Who has God wants nothing.

God alone suffices."

"Take my hand honey. Anne the number for her doctors are by the kitchen phone,could you call?" Asked William.

With a nod of her head,she ran off to the kitchen.

" St. Dympna ,pray I don't die,I don't like contractions and voices at the same time."

" Do you want me to stay?" Asked Fr. John.

"Please,please."

"I'll drive you to the hospital" said Fr. John.

"I just got off the phone with your doctors. They want you to remain very calm and try to relax as much as possible. Do you want me to stay with you? I've been in the hospital with clients before" stated Sr. Anne.

"Please, must bring medals and rosary. Stop voices,stop. I won't die,nobody will kill me."

"That's right honey. Let's get out of bed,nice and slowly now." William took her by the hand and led her to the car.

Once there her support team was so glad they were with Diana.

As soon as the nurse saw Diana's rosary she asked if she wanted a chaplain.

"This is actually my priest. He prefers what he calls his civvies in public,nooooo collar." Diana said the last bit during a contraction

"Breathe,no screaming", Diana's nurse Joan gently reminded her.

"It's very important that her doctor has knowledge of severe mental illness" declared Sr. Anne.

"Yes,I've seen her file. I can even see if her psychiatrist is available."

"Thank you" said a relieved William.

With Diana's permission, Fr. John went to say daily Mass and visit some other parishioners. After dinner he returned and Diana was fully dilated.

"Diana,you can push now" declared her doctor."

"Voices say I'm going to die."

"Remember your coping mechanisms" said her psychiatrist.

"That prayer you said earlier" suggested Sr. Anne.

After a few intense minutes, a cry was heard along with the words "it's a boy."

"My baby, he's alright?"

"He looks perfectly healthy" declared the doctor after soon cutting the umbilical cord.

"I'm alive, he's alive,I'm so tired,keep him safe,must sleep." Diana kissed the head of her baby boy before falling fast asleep.

"Hello son,you'll be just like your Dad some day" declared William.

When Diana fell asleep, Fr. John began to leave.

"Thank you, Father. Your presence was greatly appreciated."

"William,next week I find out if the bishop plans on transferring me or not. Every year I worry about going somewhere else and how my successor will treat those with mental illness and other disabilities in the parish. She wants me to baptize that boy and give him his first communion. If I'm not the one to do so, I pray she will keep the faith,such a strong faith it is."

"Your empathy and kindness are truly a blessing. As your sister says you don't fear those who are different, but try to understand them, and that is a blessing."

"As soon as Diana is awake I'd like to discuss slowly going back on her medication. It's very important that she is monitored for postpartum psychosis. All things considered she did remarkably well during the birth,but I fear she's at risk of having another episode of psychosis" stated Dr. Williams,Diana's psychiatrist.

A few hours later, Diana asked for her baby and held him.

"I think we should name him William Spencer or Spencer William. Spencer was that Princess's last name. What a beautiful wedding that was" Diana stated.

" I like Spencer as a first name,the kid deserves his own name" said William.

"Spencer William,mommy loves you,but mommy is really tired still and has to have some good self care now. Be good for your daddy and everyone else."

"Diana,you seem so aware of your needs. I'm proud of you" said William.

" I'm just saying what you tell me. I want to stay in this bed for days."

"Well, Diana we do want to keep you overnight, but then you should be home" said her doctor.

"I'll be in my own bed by then. Need more sleep,now."

Diana slept that night feeling safe and loved with the knowledge she had a beautiful baby boy.


End file.
